Persistence

A couple of weeks ago I was talking to one of my brothers about how I sometimes feel like a very unmotivated individual. I'm sure there are people that would disagree with me (my brother for one)... I don't know if I can fully explain what I mean.

For all the excitement and adventure that comes with travel nursing there are also some cons that come along too. One major one for me is mental and emotional exhaustion, being a very introverted person it is hard to open up and make new friends, I'm also very independent and so I don't always make an effort to get to know people. That leads to social isolation which does eventually wear me down, I might not love to be the center of attention but I still crave that connection with a community...I just don't always want to put in the effort required. 

Sometimes that isolation drives me to withdraw even more...the effort it would take to put myself out there seems overwhelming and then I feel unmotivated to do anything...even things that I would love to do that don't require leaving my apartment. 

There are days that I feel like my dreams are unrealistic and my goals are so far out of reach..yet I know in my head that if I work towards them a little each day I'll eventually get there. Small steps...as I continue to move forward I will slowly reach the goal...persistence is key!

per·sist·ence

noun

1. firm or obstinate continuance in a course of action in spite of difficulty or opposition

I think that is part of my problem...when things get difficult I'll give up without the encouragement of friends. When I look back at the difficult times I've had in my life there has always been someone there to encourage me to continue...to persevere. 

- As a teenager there was someone from church that I would often call and talk to. 

-When I wanted to leave nursing school because I thought it was to hard a couple of my classmates studied with me and wouldn't let me withdraw from my classes. 

-Then in Lancaster I meet two of my best friends who where there through some rough times...and lots of ice cream (one of my comfort foods). 

-When I left Lancaster and volunteered with Mercy Ships it was really challenging! Again, I ended up with one or two people who I felt like I could trust and opened up to them...those connections allowed me to complete my volunteer time. 

(that is not an extensive list)

Maybe that's one of the things I'm learning about myself through this experience. I've haven't dug deep and kept going for myself...and instead have relied on what others. It could be that I need to develop persistence for myself, and that's not easy! 

2020

2020 has arrived... 


The other day I sat in Panera with my journal and started thinking about what I'd like to accomplish in 2020. As I thought about it, I realized that I don't feel like I have a strong goal to strive for. It's kinda like, 'well, I keep saying that I want to do this but I haven't been serious about, it so maybe this year'...does that mean I'm aimlessly wondering through my own life? 

As I looked back over the last year, I realized that a year ago at this time I told my manager that I was looking into travel nursing and would be leaving when I got my first contract. I remember being stressed about the change and unsure if I was ready to take the plunge.  How I would feel after I started? What was the driving force behind that change? Is it my love of travel? Is it the constant change and movement that appeals to me? Is that just part of who I am? or am I running from something and I don't even realize what it is?

Or could it be something different, (the ripple effect), everything I do not only effects me, but the people around me. Does a short transient encounter with someone leave a lasting impact? 

2020: What will the year bring? Who will I meet? What experiences will stand out? What will the next decade bring? Where do I want to be? What do I hope to accomplish? What are my dreams? 

I feel like I have a lot more questions than answers right now. In a way, I'm okay with that, if I'd have all the answers I don't know that I would continue to search and grow as a person. Maybe I don't know where I'll be in 10 years or even where I want to be in 10 years, but to me that is part of the beauty of the journey of my life. I'm not forcing myself into something. 20 years ago I was in high-school and never had any desire to be a nurse, I had different plans. Obviously, things changed and I went to nursing school...even 10 years ago, I wouldn't have thought I'd be where I am today. 

I've had great experiences combined with lots of challenges, and have grown a lot over the course of the last 10 years. Ultimately, I think that is my goal, to continue to grow in my faith and allow that to influence my life. The growth process isn't always easy or even a pleasant experience to go through, it can be painful at times. Does the pain cause me to stop and stay where I'm at because it's too painful to continue? or do I keep moving even if it's slow? There are times that I've wanted to give up because I didn't think I could keep going. In those moments, I had people around me that encouraged me and so I persevered through. 

I don't expect the next 10 years to be easy, the last 10 years had both highs and lows, so I expect that to be the same in the next 10 years...life is a journey...

A journey of experiences.
A journey of pain.
A journey of joy.
A journey of happiness.
A journey of sorrow.
A journey of challenges.
A journey of growth.

The first page of my journal. 

Maybe I don't know where I'm going, or the impact I'll have on the people around me, or the impact they will have on me ... but that's the adventure!

Washington D.C.

         Earlier this week I was able to make it into Washington D.C. for some sightseeing. I’m living and working just outside the D.C. area so it does require driving to actually get into Washington D.C. 

         Driving into and out of D.C. is not something that I would label as fun or easy. The traffic is horrible! That’s because so many people commute into and out of the city for work…so getting in takes forever in stop and go traffic. The lady that I’m renting from told me an easy way to get in and out of the city without driving is to take the “slug line.” 

         It was developed to help prevent some of the commuting congestion on the road ways. During high traffic times the HOV lane is open to cars that have at least 3 people in them. Well not everyone knows 3 people to commute in and out with them, so there are several designating parking places outside the city you park at and wait for someone that is driving into the city to stop and pick you up. Since there are also several stops inside the city you ask where the driver is going and if it’s close to where you want you get in the car. After there are 3-4 people in the car, you leave, get dropped off, and then when it’s time to go home, you go stand at a designated slug line stop in the city and wait for someone looking for another person or two to make the minimum of 3 to use the HOV lane going home. Then they drop you off at the parking lot where your car is.  http://www.slug-lines.com/Slugging/About_slugging.asp

At first I was a little skeptical about something called a slug line, and the whole process, but I tried it and it’s actually pretty great. I didn’t have to drive on roads I’m not familiar with, in a bunch of traffic, or find parking somewhere which was amazing. The best part is that using the slug line is free, I don’t pay them to take me to or from since I need a ride, and they need a person it’s to both parties benefit. The only thing is there are only certain times that the line is open and so if I use it to go into D.C. then I have to spend pretty much all day there. I’m not complaining about that since there is so much to see and do and once I’m there I can take the metro pretty much anywhere so it’s actually really a great system. 

I thought about using the slug line and going into the city again today, but it’s supposed to be really hot and sunny and I’m still a little sunburnt from Monday when I was sightseeing. Instead, I decided to go out to a local café and update my blog. 

For my day in D.C. I was so exhausted by the time that I was done, but I don’t feel like I really did that much. After slugging into D.C. I took the metro to Union Station where I got a ticket for the Big Bus hop-on hop-off tour of D.C. 

The White House

Washinton Monument 

My first stop was the Holocaust Memorial Museum. Normally, I like to go through museums pretty quickly since there is so much information it can be overwhelming to read absolutely everything. I spent more time there than I normally would at any other place. It was very well done, and horrible at the same time. Some of the videos of what was done in the concentration camps and the medical experiments that were performed on prisoners made me feel sick to my stomach. How can anybody do that to another person?  Overall, it was an extremely powerful reminder of what happened. 

After receiving my ticket I got on the elevator and the lady that was operating the elevator asked everyone to silence cell phones, be respectful, and find something about the person in the identity card that you could relate to, basically she was asking us to put ourselves into the shoes of the person’s identity card that we had. It’s really hard to explain the various emotions that I felt as I walked through the museum.  

My identification card told this girls story. 

 

At the very end as you were leaving, this quote was on the wall. 

After leaving the Holocaust Memorial I got back on the Big Bus tour and went to Arlington National Cemetery.  Another very powerful reminder of all the battles the United States has fought in. It is the only national cemetery that has soldiers buried there from every war since the Revolution. The place is huge and I didn’t walk through all of it, I only made it through a very small portion but it still made me stop and appreciate the freedoms that I enjoy today.

By this point in the day, it was early afternoon and I’d been riding on the top of the bus in the sun and needed to stop somewhere to get food and hydrate. After eating and cooling down in a nice airconditioned place, I made my way to the final museum of the day, the Air and Space Museum. 

I didn’t spend much time there since I was exhausted, but it was really cool to see early aviation memorabilia. The Spirit of St. Louis was there, along with the Wright brothers, and the Lindbergh’s. It was interesting, but there were so many people that I left very quickly and didn’t actually explore the entire place, but I got through most of it. 

The Spirit of St. Louis

The Wright Brother's Plane

I will go back and explore more of Washington D.C. since it really is a beautiful place to visit. 

Thoughts on my life as a Travel Nurse:

            I’m now onto my second travel assignment and I’m discovering how I respond to the stress of being a travel nurse. Overall, I am still happy that I made this decision, but I’ve realized that the constant change is more stressful and exhausting to me than I thought. 

            For my first assignment I got a contract in Philadelphia. I had to find a place to live without seeing it in person before signing the lease and paying rent. Then I had to find it when I got there and move in all the stuff that I brought with me. Then I had to figure out where the hospital was that I would be working at, and how long it would take me to arrive. 

            I also had to learn my way around the area I was staying in. Where was the grocery store, post office, best places to eat, what’s the easiest way to go sightseeing. What sights did I really want to see? 

            At work, I had to learn my way around a new hospital, learn their policies, learn their charting system and charting requirements. Neither the nurses or the providers knew me or my nursing practice, I didn’t know them so learning to trust each other was a two way street that has to happen somewhat quickly…but I’m also the first to get pulled to another unit making it hard to learn where things are and get to know people. It really made me realize how great it is to know your co-workers and how the team works together in stressful situations. 

            When I finally started to feel like I was getting the hang of it, my contract was done. Time to move onto a new place where I get to start all over again. Since I didn’t stay in the Philadelphia but instead found a contract in Falls Church, VA, I got to start with finding a place to stay online again…only saw pictures of it before I moved in and talked with the landlord on the phone. After moving it, I had to start finding my way around again…

            So far in my 3 weeks here, I’m now able to get to work and home without my GPS, I can go to the grocery store, walk to the farmers market on Saturday, today I found the library (which is where I’m currently writing). I haven’t made it into Washington D.C. yet to do any sightseeing there. My goal is to go into the city one day when I’m not working, but I’m just now starting to feel somewhat settled which means I’m starting to have more energy for going out and exploring.

The house I’m staying in is much more like a community house with multiple people from different backgrounds. We’ve talked about doing some stuff together as housemates (hasn’t happened yet), but I think in the future it will. Having people to do something with occasionally is actually really nice, traveling and never having any friends around is actually very lonely…even for an introvert. Everything you do is alone, and we are created to be social and live in some form of community. 

I knew that constant change would be an unavoidable aspect of travel nursing, what I didn’t know is how well I would respond to the stress. I feel like the second adjustment has been harder than the first one. Is it because I came from a stable place into extreme change and could adapt better? Or am learning how to make constant change a more normal part of my life and therefore it may get worse before better. Or is it just this place is a little more overwhelming with the size of the hospital and the amount of people and traffic in this area. It will be interesting to see how I respond to the third contract I take. 

            When I get super stressed and overwhelmed my introverted tendencies come out and I like to hide in my room and either sleep or stream TV online and not be around people. Sometimes I wonder if I like to hide too much and miss out on seeing more things…but if I’m so overwhelmed that I can’t function it’s not enjoyable and then I’m also not a 100% at work. I’ve come to the conclusion that priorities need to include taking care of myself, but also prioritizing what I really want to do in this area so that when I am going out I have a plan in place. 

            Even though I stay the constant change has been difficult at times, I really do love being able to see other parts of the country! Philadelphia had tons of early American history and great foods!!! Now I’m excited to explore the nation’s capital and see what all D.C. has to offer. 

Weekend Exploration

            This weekend has been busy but enjoyable at the same the time. Thursday was a day of relaxing after working the previous three days. Friday afternoon I decided to start doing some sightseeing, I took the subway to Old City where I purchased a two day city sightseeing pass for the hope-on-hop-off bus. I didn’t have a whole lot of time before they were finished running to route for the day, so I opted to ride the full route and then come back the next day after figuring what I wanted to do. 

            Before I left Old City I had a chance to jump in on the last tour of Independence Hall. The chair that George Washington used to preside of the meetings is still sitting there. Being in the room where the Declaration of Independence was signed and thinking about how important that moment is in American history was all surreal. 

Independence Hall

            Friday night, TobyMac was in Philadelphia with Aaron Cole, We Are Messenger, Jordan Feliz, and Jeremy Camp for the Hits Deep Tour. At first I was contemplating staying home and not going…then I realized I would probably regret not going the next day. I managed to get a decent seat for purchasing my ticket less than an hour before the show started. I guess there are advantages to being single (single seats are easier to come by). 

It was amazing!

I was right off stage right. 

Saturday:

            I started the day a lot earlier than I wanted to! I was up and out of the house by 9ish. I again took the subway to Old City and visited the Betsy Ross House. It was fascinating to visit the house, in old city Philadelphia it is packed with early American history. I’ve always heard about Betsy Ross and her making the first American flag, but seeing how close her hose is to Independence Hall, it just makes everything a little more real and yet surreal at the same time. 

There is a sign posted on the wall that at the time that Betsy was making the flag there were not any laws in place regarding the American flag and so it is dropped on the floor since that is how it would have been during the sewing process. 

            My next stop is still another important piece of history, just not one that I ever remember learning about… Eastern State Penitentiary. Wow, it’s a fascinating place to visit! The audio tour really explained the history and what it was like to be a prisoner there. This is the prison where Al Capone stayed. There are still a few prisoners that are alive that have lived there as inmates before it closed down. 

It's massive!!!

Replica of an original cell

One of 9 corridors - some are double stacked, others have added on another wing of the corridor.

Looking down one corridor that hasn't been rebuilt. 

            The next stop was interesting for me. I went to the Mutter Museum. That a medical museum with bones, skulls from 150 years ago, brains, and different body parts all on display. As a medical professional I found it fascinating, I also enjoyed watching the people who were not in the medical field. You’re not allowed to take pictures inside the museum so I don’t have any weird pictures to post, but it is totally worth going if you are ever in Philadelphia. 

            After leaving the museum, I walked to the One Liberty Observation Deck. I went up in the elevator, looked at the city from above. For some reason, that is one of my favorite things to do when I visit a city. Apparently, they are also open in the evening and so you can go up after dark and see the city lights, which would also be really sweet to do. I may or may not get to go back while I’m here, but I did get some cool views of the city during the day. 

            My last stop was the Vietnam and Korean War memorials. Remembering is important. Thank you to those that have served or are currently serving. 

            By this point in my day, it’s dinner time and I’m exhausted! After making my way back to Old City where I can catch the subway home I decided I should just eat there. The other day when I had been walking around I’d seen this Korean Taco place called TaKorean that I had wanted to try sometime. What better time is there than when I’m hungry and close? It was so good that I want to go back!!! I will eat there at least once more before I leave. It is located in The Bourse building in Old City (right next to the subway J). 

            It’s a little hard to explain but tastes amazing. The rice is normal white rice, but the lime sauce and I think Korean BBQ sauce, with pickled radish gave it a hint of Korean flavor without being overwhelming…I loved it!  

Korean taco bowl and hibiscus bubble tea...so delicious!!! 

After eating I made my way home and called it a day. I already have next Friday and Saturday booked with more sightseeing. Really the way to go is to get a sight seeing pass. You can get them for a day or up to 5 days. Or the flex pass is also an option, then you have 30 days but choose the number of attractions that you want to see. Both are excellent options to choose from depending on what you want. Since I have more time in Philadelphia I went with the flex pass and choose 7 attractions after reading what attractions it covers, seeing what ones interested me, and adding up what I would pay in admissions without the pass to see if it would be worth it. 

Life Changes

        Recently, I made another major life change, and I decided that I would like to share the experience. I had been working the same job for several years and was beginning to feel very stagnate in my nursing career so I decided to return to school and pursue a masters degree. 

Then a new position opened up at work that I decided to apply for, after several months of waiting to hear if I was offered the position I was finally told that it went to someone else. That’s fine, I do truly think that the person they chose is a better fit for the position and what they wanted. In the interim, thinking about the possibility of new hours a total change in the focus of my career was exciting, but it made me think about what I would be giving up. 

I would have been leaving bedside nursing and would not be able to return easily. After that realization, I decided that I wasn’t sure I was ready to give up the dream of travel nursing. It seems like it might be something I really enjoy, or it could be something that I end up not liking at all, but never trying and knowing for sure would be a missed opportunity. 

So, long story short…I decided to tell my boss that I wanted to look into travel nursing and started looking a different agencies. I found one that seems fair and a recruiter that has been really good. In looking at available positions in states that I’m currently licensed in, I found an opening in Philadelphia. 

From the time I had my interview in to the time they wanted me to start, was 2 weeks! I still hadn’t officially quit my full time job, or started organizing anything. Needless to say, the next 2 weeks were crazy! I was working full time, completing competencies for my new job after work, getting paperwork submitted, finding housing, and trying to meet up with friends and say good-bye for a little while. I managed to get all the major stuff accomplished and have moved to Philly (temporarily).

The adventure begins...my life is moving in a new direction. 

I arrived a week ago, found where I’m staying, unloaded, and already had orientation to my new hospital. It’s crazy fast! I understand that being a traveler they aren’t going to give me a whole lot of time to be on orientation, which is fine, it’s just weird showing up and saying, “I’m here for orientation” and nobody knows who you are, and they weren’t expecting you. Once they figured out who I was and what I was doing, it was all good. During the first week people have been relatively friendly and welcoming. I have one more day of orientation with another nurse, just to make sure I’m as ready as possible to be independent in providing patient care. 

        Overall, I am really excited about this change. I'm going to meet a lot of new people and see a bunch of different places. Who knows where this new adventure will take me, or the opportunities it will open. 

Just Keeping Working...Just Keep Working...

I recently decided to return to grad school this summer. It’s been fun trying to learn how to balance full-time work, part-time grad school and a social life. Over the last month every weekend I’ve had a family event that I attended, it’s great to be able to spend time with family. The challenge of working full time with a mini trip every week and trying to keep up on my class has been very difficult. It’s actually so overwhelming that the stress is messing up my sleep, ability to think, and function in everyday life…the exhaustion is real and I just want to slow down but I can’t. 

Time to study more pathophysiology!

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”   Philippians 4:13 

“ but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they all walk and not faint.”  Isaiah 40:31