I wasn't even scheduled to work yesterday (Tuesday) but I switched my shift with one of my co-workers...on Monday I get a phone call from work asking if I wanted to change my hours and work 7a-7p instead of 3p-3a. I said yes...
30 minutes later...he's back and say's, 'I can't help you with the alcohol but I also believe in the healing power of chocolate.' as he hands me chocolate :-) It made my night so much better. Part of it was the sugar to combat the crashing feeling of loosing the adrenaline that had been my energy source. Even with that I also think that part of it was realizing that someone else took the time to realize that I was having a tough day and tried to make it a little bit better.
Last night I had trouble going to sleep, and was wondering about life, death, and what they each mean. I didn't come up with any clear cut answers to my questions, but while i was thinking I realized that this is how most people think of life and death....
Still not sure if that was a good idea, as I was getting report I could tell that it was going to be a crazy day...and I was right. Due to privacy issues I can't go into any details about what actually happened at work, but what I can say is that in the 4 1/2 years I've worked as a nurse yesterday was 1 of 5 days that I wanted to cry and was actually fighting to keep the tears in. I'm not sure that crying changes anything but it felt like it would.
That feelings of frustration, and being overwhelmed may have been compounded by adrenaline being pumped into my body continually for the first 6 hours of my shift, no time to break for lunch to actually eat anything.
8 hours into the 12 hour shift all I wanted to do was go home and have a glass of wine...or some type of alcoholic beverage. You know you've had it rough when your co-workers don't fault you for saying that, or when the chaplain also checks to see how you are coping with what's going and all you want to say is, 'coping? where am I suppose to find time for that?' Instead I just gave him this look and asked "is it wrong if I just want to go home and have a drink?"
If I am completely honest, when I finally made it home I did get something to drink...well, I mixed a little bit of rum in some vanilla ice cream and ate it with a piece of cake. It was very yummy!
Last night I had trouble going to sleep, and was wondering about life, death, and what they each mean. I didn't come up with any clear cut answers to my questions, but while i was thinking I realized that this is how most people think of life and death....
Life is meant to be full and happy, yes there may be bad things that happen but overall it's better than the gloomy cloud of death. Death is scary, it isn't something to take lightly...but I could help wondering if maybe they should be switched. Life in empty and void without God, and once you've accepted his grace then death shouldn't be a scary event, it should be anticipated with joy. I know that may not make sense to some.
I think Paul says it best in Philippians 1:21 "For me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell. I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better. But to remain in the flesh is more necessary on your account." For Paul, dying was gaining a better life, while living was actually harder but necessary. God can and I believe chooses to demonstrate his love through his people, and it may be as simple as a smile, words of encouragement, or even a chocolate bar.
