What do you run after?

I have recently been reminded how the words that you say can make a lasting impression either for the good or the bad. Maybe the patients that I'm taking care of are more complicated and critical. Whatever it is it's made me question nursing again...is this really for me? What are my goals? 

After much thinking and talking with my manager and co-workers I realized that I'm still holding onto my some comments by my nursing instructors...after each semester my first year of nursing school I was told to truly evaluate if this was right for me and consider dropping out. Needless to say I kept coming back...but I think I lost my focus. I had always thought that someday I'll live abroad in a third world, war torn country...or a place with Refugee camps, it's not glamorous but it's where I see myself.

After I started working in the ICU I lost focus and started thinking about being the best, working my way up the critical care ladder to become an open heart nurse, possible going into flight nursing...and I'm sad to say that I also became focused on the money. 

As I struggled through this I realized that although it's still going to be a struggle and I lost my focus that God is using me where I'm at and getting me ready for where ever He may send me in the future. I'm learning a lot where I'm at...I'm making connections, getting the opportunity to travel and learning a lot about myself.

There are certain places that I feel God has placed on my heart...I don't know if that's where I'll end up, but it is definitely not working in an intensive care unit or even working America. It may sound weird but this could be my last year in Lancaster...in a year I'll be done with my BSN, and have my debts paid off if everything works out. Who knows what this year will bring.